Womenz Magazine

Kelly Clarkson Opens Up About The ‘Painful’ Divorce That Inspired Her New Album: ‘Still Feels Real Fresh’

Kelly Clarkson

Kelly Clarkson‘s upcoming tenth studio album Chemistry is almost here, and she is ready to open up more about the tumultuous divorce that inspired it. The “Mine” singer previewed the new record at a recent concert in Los Angeles to celebrate her 41st birthday and sat down with Entertainment Weekly soon after to discuss how difficult performing its emotional tracks live can be.

“The emotions kind of murdered me,” Clarkson said to the publication one week after her LA performance, during which she stopped and apologized to her audience after becoming visibly overwhelmed.

The Grammy winner said that the rehearsals for this show were “pretty flawless and easy and great,” and added that she was “almost proud” of herself just before taking the stage. “And then all of a sudden it was just like a wave washed over me,” she recalled.

This LP is significant as it is Clarkson’s first since divorcing her ex-husband Brandon Blackstock after almost seven years of marriage. When writing songs for Chemistry, the Voice coach explained to the outlet, she created a “very honest” space, but she ended up scrapping a few tracks with lyrics that were “too truth-telling.”

The American Idol alum continued, “I know people will hear this record and be like, ‘Oh, damn, she went there!’ and I’m like, ‘No, I promise you I didn’t.’” She also noted that she wrote these forthcoming songs a few years back, but waited until she felt ready to release them.

Clarkson also said that she is looking forward to sharing her experience and new music with listeners who can relate to its lyrics and sentiment. “No matter what album you’re listening to, it is kind of nice to have these people that went through stuff that other people are going through, and you just don’t feel alone in it,” she said.

The mom of two added, “Because I’ll tell you what, that’s the worst: when you’re in a crowded room or you’re smiling for America while doing your job and you just feel so sad and alone. That’s the worst feeling ever.”

Clarkson’s fans certainly have a lot to look forward to this summer, with Chemistry out on June 23rd, and her Las Vegas residency taking place in July. In her EW interview, the Kelly Clarkson Show host talked about how she’s gearing up for this major career moment, and how she’s preparing herself for any powerful, inevitable, split-related emotions that might emerge during her shows.

Clarkson is no stranger to performing vulnerable and moving songs like “Because of You,” “Piece By Piece” and “Behind These Hazel Eyes” live. She said that her preparation process for her future live renditions of Chemistry songs will be similar to the ones she used in the past.

“It just takes time to… not really separate, but to get to where you can remember it but you don’t drown in it,” she said. “You dive in, but you’re treading water.” While the “Since U have Been Gone” artist said she’d “love to be the brave person that says, ‘I’m gonna kill it in Vegas,'” she’s still not sure how it will all go down after her birthday show.

“Pain can still feel really fresh when one is still, daily, trying to come out on the other side. I don’t have control over it,” Clarkson confessed. “But what I do have control over is the fact that I know I don’t have control over it, so it’s fine. It’s supposed to be what it’s supposed to be. You have to learn to let that go and live in the moment, whatever it is.”

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