The ‘happily ever after’ story of marriage is truly a myth. The realities of life are such, that life after marriage may start off well but may end up in trouble, which may be far beyond your imagination. Since the decision of separation is going to have a ripple effect on many facets and people in your life, you ought to think over the following factors.
Most people shy away from divorce counseling because they think that only people with psychiatric problems go to a counselor. Keep an open mind and seek an appointment with a divorce counselor. There is a reason why they are popular. They can give a third person’s opinion in your case, without getting emotional about it and since they are not related to you, you can easily confide into them.
You will be surprised to know that sometimes just by communicating in the right way with your partner about your problems and finding optimal solutions can solve things. A counselor will also help you to pick up the pieces of your relationship, once you decide to reunite with your partner.
2. Impact on children
Be a little unselfish and think about the adverse effects your divorce could have on your children. It is a well-known fact that children of a fragmented family grow up with multiple emotional problems, primarily because they can’t comprehend the split between the mother and the father. Do you want a situation when you, as parents, meet your children only on your their open day at school? Think about it.
3. Extreme Stress
Apart from the emotional stress of separation, your mental health will also be affected due to the oncoming litigation, sudden change of lifestyle, answering people around you, moving out of your husband’s house, financial settlements and so on.
For all these years, the house that you transformed into a ‘home’ will simply fall apart like a stack of cards. And the period just before your separation will be replete with fights, heated discussions and arguments that will take place in your bedroom. Don’t allow a frantic rush of feelings to cloud your logical thinking about the reasons of your separation.
4. Financial Burden
You may have become frustrated with each other but have you thought about how much it will cost you if you wish to get a divorce? A lawyer’s fee will cost you a fortune. All your savings could be drained off in your alimony, lawyer’s fees, court session payments and the counselor’s invoice. In cases of splitting houses and businesses, you will incur costs for hiring professional advice.
Is going through all this really worth it? Howsoever unsolvable your problems may be, separation will take a big toll on your money. Do you really want to go through the rigmarole of freezing credit cards, closing joint accounts, changing addresses and names of billing? Think over it.
5. Single Parenting
Single parenting sounds like a bold term which has been highly popularized by several movies lately. But in reality, do you think single parenting is a cake walk? Irrespective of whoever gets the custody of the child, playing both father and the mother can take a toll on your personal and social life. Readjusting to a single life after being married can be tiresome.
Bringing a change in your lifestyle will be tough as a nut. Imagine the guilt trip you will go through if in spite of being a single parent, you start dating someone or go for night outs with colleagues. In every single step you take, answering your child is going to be critical. ‘Starting all over again’ is way more difficult than it sounds.
6. Open Conversation
Very often, emotional hang ups of couples do not allow them to communicate openly or even clearly identify what are the exact reasons they are separating for. The decision of separation cannot result due to a small incident of anger or reaction, which unfortunately, is always the case cited by most of the couples.
Have an open mind and list out answers to important questions: ‘Is there anything we can do to mend this?’, ‘If our goals and values are fundamentally different, how can we find a middle path?, ‘Is it just sexual frustration that is leading to our separation?’ and so on. The key is to ask questions that will offer positive and reassuring answers.
7. Views of others
It’s very likely that you know other couples within your family or elsewhere who have gone through divorce or separation. Call them up and have a chat with them regarding the stress and emotional whirlwinds they went through in that phase. And it is likely that they too will advise you against separation – due to all the problems that you may have to face. As it is said- it is better to learn from other people’s mistakes and experiences rather than going through all of them yourself.
You cannot afford to have an unstable mind when you are at such an important juncture of your life. Sit with your spouse and literally make a list of all your priorities in life and take stock of where you want life to go. Think of the situation keeping your pre and post divorce life in mind and then take a rational decision. However, if your spouse abuses you physically or emotionally and you have been living in constant fear, then you should seriously consider divorce and attempt to make your life a better one.
Do realize that your decisions and thoughts will affect many other people. And on a positive note, sincere apologies, true love and healthy negotiations can heal any scar.